Dear Taylor
Unlike your counterpart in a Kristen Chenowyth song you seemed seemed less interesting in providing me with my delicious soy latte and more interested whatever your girlfriend was sexting you. In opposition with what you might imagine I am uninterested in seeing the look on your face when you receive, what I can only assume, to be a particularly racy text from your girlfriend (or boyfriend? I'm not one to judge!! Although here's hoping the gay community doesn't suffer your admittance into their numbers). I am, however, completely interested in the fact that you do not over-steam my soymilk so that it gets to a boiling 210 degrees!! You may have heard that a girl loves to have her tongue burned off as foreplay but I can say that I did not appreciate the sentiment. Personally, I love having full use of all my extremities. Now this could be forgiven if it were merely a first offense. However, last time I had frequented your Starbucks you were far too distracted by the blonde in the NOT-shirt that you gave me 2% instead of soy! You think I can't tell but I can!! I may have thought you were cute the first time I saw you with your smouldering eyes and your 6'4 frame but, alas, lack of brains can do nothing for me except ruin, what should be, a somewhat religious coffee experience.
Burningly Yours.
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