Killer Sutra

*Ash-Hole reporting in!*

Dear Book Worm,

How will I ever forget the fleeting encounter with the man who I'm sure would have been the love of my life, had you not come on quite as strong as you did and scared little innocent me away. I admit, standing around in the "Sexuality" section of Barnes and Noble with my lightweight drinking buddy, laughing at the extremely graphic pictures in a book titled something to the effect of "the best little sex book ever" was an extremely inappropriate place to be when you have a date with destiny. I can remember hearing you walk up to us, and looking up (or rather, down, you were pretty short) at you and thinking "Oh, I should probably stop talking about sex now." I must have appeared to be wavering in whether or not I should purchase the book I was holding-why else would you offer up so willingly your opinion that that book was in fact a very good book. I must have also appeared to be a little more willing to try out the extremely intricate sexual pose on the page we had been looking at when you first walked up to us. As thrilling as having sex with someone with him standing up against a wall, my legs wrapped around him while in a back bend with my hands on the floor may have sounded, the mood was immediately ruined when you started talking about how many years you had been practicing sex, and how good you were at it. Oh please don't take that the wrong way, what I meant was the mood was ruined because we were in a public place, and my friend was there, and I knew I couldn't have you and your short, chubby body right then. I knew I couldn't run your fingers through your hair up to your bald spot, and being teased like that just immediately put me in a bad mood. I promise, I was strongly considering taking you up on your thinly veiled offer to see how well practiced you were at the art of love making, but thankfully (and by that, I mean unfortunately), MarenBoBarren got on the loud speaker and paged me right at that very moment. I'm sorry if you found it rude that my lightweight drinking buddy and I hastily shoved the book back on the shelf and flat out ran away from you without so much as a goodbye. I was just overwhelmed with your manliness, I had to get away before I let my carnal instinct take over.

I'll see you in my dreams, hot stuff