Sour Skittles

Dear Sax #1

This is the end. It will forever be the end. I have never known exactly how to put it into words the hurt that I always seem to feel when you are the focus of the room. How you have this personality that can make everybody you come in contact with feel like they are the most important person in your life. But now I know. Nobody is important to you. You only have surface friends. And while I completely understand the whole keeping people at arms length thing, at least those around me are aware of it. I don't go around making everyone feel like they are the most fucking special person in my life, only to dismiss them when it is inconvenient for them to be around. I always thought that I could easily be the type of person who could carry a friendship, assuming of course, that I actually really loved the friendship. And while I may still love the friendship we used to have, I fucking hate the nothing we have now. Which is interesting since it seems to be impossible to to hate something that no longer exists in this world. I did everything within reason, and many things out of reason. But it all ends here. The funny thing is I doubt you will ever even know that I wrote this. Never mind that it is public and everyone knows that I write a blog (one that is usually reserved for the crazy men I come in contact with). I don't know what hurts more. The fact that our friendship is over. Or the fact that I doubt you will even notice. At least not right away. It will take you months and then you will wonder why I stopped calling. And even then you will get distracted by something for a second and will forget about it for another few months. We always promised one another that we would be there for each other through thick and thin. Perhaps this is my fault, you always told me that you were horrible at keeping up friendships. But here is the clinch in that. In order for that to be a realistic excuse there can't be evidence that the opposite is true. In the beginning it was almost a challenge. See if I could keep up with keeping you as my best friend. Then whenever I saw you, you would remind me that I was your best friend. But that's it. I'm done. The chase and challenge is over.

In the end it isn't about being able to continue this anymore. It's about not wanting to.

Our friendship died the day the bracelet broke. I should have known then it was a sign.

If nothing else, at least this shit got me a high score on an essay for college.